You're tearing me apart Torsti!

(If you want to make a game of this, count every 'fuck' and 'shit' I inserted in my text)
These past few days have been quite rage filled for me. You see, my dear computer Torsti decided to have his menopause (despite being a dude). This resulted in the usual: me losing every single program on my hard-drive. Luckily though my awesome dad makes money by fighting against computers day and night like some technical superhero, so he managed to save all the important files, this being mainly my writing projects. 
So now we enter the painful part... reinstalling shit. Now, may it be noted that I am a casual gamer, and therefore I had to install all of my games and weep over the lost saves for the past week or so (hence no activity). This however doesn't feel so horrible once I regain my inspiration... holy shit.
First of all; GIMP I choose you despite your irritable bugginess, for you are free and I'm afraid of new things! But wait, I've been using GIMP 2.6, and now we have 2.8? Fuck me sideways...
At first I'm fuming at this thing not recognizing my tablet a.k.a. no pressure opacity. Google is my friend but... all the advice I can find are in English, and for some unfathomable reason my GIMP is in Finnish (they didn't ask me for my preferred language, why the fuck not). I might have a decent understanding of the English language, if I may say so myself, but computer jargon flies right past my head like no other.
Hokay... so I struggle through the internet to find something useful... kind of. Now I'm faced with the nightmare that is manually adjusting this fucking pressure opacity with axis X and axis Y and this, this is giving me flashbacks from high school mathematics, which some of you might remember was part 3 of my academical downfall. 
I win the battle, only losing a couple tufts of hair caused by excessive aggression directed towards my short mane and a rapidly rising blood pressure.
But the war is still on, as I tackle the next problem; brush sizes. And I hated that... really hated it with a passion. I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't get accustomed to whatever you want to call that unbearable scale fuck.
Google to the rescue once again, this time hunting for the good ol' GIMP 2.6. It's only slightly easier to find than the instructions with the opacity, and once I have it downloaded and working, I can sight with relief... only to notice later that for some strange reason it apparently doesn't recognize the usual xcf. file. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME. 
In the hopes of fixing this problem I reinstall GIMP 2.8. as it did recognize the files, and it works... sorta. Now I have to first open 2.6 and then open the file with the program instead of just clicking at the file to have it automatically open. Bummer, but I'll get used to it... no way in hell am I using 2.8.

Because I'm and imbecile, I work everything backwards, and we enter what should have been phase one of this merciless assrape of my fuse. The fucking scanner decides not to work. I mean, the power light is on but it.won't.fucking.scan! After searching for my computer for the program that is Lexmark, I find it but it has this warning triangle thing that I'm sure those of you who also have a rotten luck with their computers know far too well. Alright, fine... game on!
I start by trying the USB to all available slots, which means me squeezing between the table and my closet which doesn't work well for someone as voluptuous (from the entirely wrong places) as me. And I have to do this five times to check if there's a special spot for my special little scanner. All in vain...
Luckily at this point my memory decides to hand me a life line, giving me a sneaking suspicion that this isn't the first time I've faced a problem with getting my scanner to work after an incident like this happened with Torsti's predecessor Eppu. And that time, my dad downloaded a driver from their site!
Once again I ask Google to be nice to me, and without too much of a search I find what I'm looking for... only, there's like a gazillion different variations of these drivers! And I have no idea which one I need. Is mine a x1100, C748e or 2591n+... do I have a 32 bit or 64 bit windows?
I do my shitty and tiring little research and download the first drive, only having it to be the wrong one... but luckily the next attempt after some further research is the right one, and I finally manage to scan my crappy half of a comic page. 
But I need to do the same annoying thing with the scanner that I have to do with GIMP now... instead of just pressing the button on my scanner, I first need to open the program and then start pushing the buttons. God help me, I'm just not that tech savvy...

... Off to fight the next battle of the wills titled as Noora vs. webcam. Good, I don't think two layers of rage sweat is enough... 
(Kudos for those who know what I'm referring to with the title of this rant that must be my hundredth. I hope you enjoy reading about my pain, means something good came out of it...)